annesarticles.com annesarticles.com
Search:    Index -> About Us -> Privacy -> ToS -> Add Your Link -> Add Your Article   
 
 

Cruise Takes A Bruise

Viacom gave Tom Cruise the bruise of his career - or, more exactly, its cantankerous chairman, Sumne ... - Tom Attea
 

Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato

Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer. Far from it, Jimmy has had the same jo ... - Jesse S. Somer
 

My Apologies To All Pregnant Women

After twenty one years of torment, I need to tell my story, ask your forgiveness and hope that other ... - Robert Crane
 
 

What Do You Call Dick Cheney Shooting a Lawyer

A great start. Now that is one great American, leading by example. Indeed it was great to see he sho ... - Lance Winslow
 

From Granny's Journal: Wisdom and Humor

When my children were little, I could give them a quarter and they would stay away for hours at the ... - Marge Holley
 
 

  Index » Society & Communities » Humor & Fun
   
 

Come Let Us Lament

   

My sister-in-law asked me to write this article. She must be lamenting.

The best place to lament is at the Wailing Wall. You can see the Wailing Wall at http://www.aish.com/wallcam/. The picture changes often so you will know what is going on.

I suggest that you do your wailing right in front of your computer. Look at the picture. Every time it updates, do your wailing.

To lament you show strong regret aloud. Thats the only way to really do it. First you need a list of things over which to lament. Here are some suggestions:

1.You forgot to buy a lottery ticket for the National Lottery last week and your regular number came up. That cost you a zillion dollars.

2.You spent $40,000.00 on your sons education and he is working at McDonalds after graduating in social studies with a Spanish minor. He graduated magna cum laude. You talked him out of majoring in celestial mechanics.

3.Your grandkids have come to live with you until they are graduated from college. Their ages are 4, 7, 9, and 13. You will be 87 years old when the youngest graduates and your spouse will be 96 years old.

4.You bought a used car from a little old lady. The 1986 Ford had only 40,000 miles on it. Yesterday the transmission went out. The owner of the transmission repair shop said, This is Mrs. Hendersons old car, isnt it? Yes, that is the transmission I put in it at 98,000 miles. I checked it at 149, 000 miles and again at 199,000 miles. Well, she got her moneys worth. Lets see, I can replace that for you for $2300.00. However, that rebuilt engine isnt going to last forever. Did you look at those tires? Does it still pull to the right when you break for dogs?

5.You had a chance to talk about your new business with a rich acquaintance you met on the golf course and gain some financial support from him. When his ball went into the lake, you laughed.

Well, that should get you going. Now how to you do the actual lamenting? Well, get the Wailing Wall Picture on your monitor by going to http://www.aish.com/wallcam/.

Chant as follows:

I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!
I lost a zillion dollars!

Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!
Forty Grand and my son works at McDonalds!

Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!
Were raising kids again!

I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!
I got ripped off by a nice old lady!

I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!
I laughed my business away!

A nice ending to your chant might be:

Why am I so stupid?
Why cant I do anything right?
Please God, give me another chance!
Please God, give me another chance!

Well, that should do it for my sister-in-law. Jump right in!

The End

Author: John T Jones, Ph.D.
 
Author Bio:

John T Jones, Ph.D.

Jones was a vice president of a Fortune 500 company subsidiary having the major responsibility for research and development and certain engineering functions. After he retired, he became editor of an international trade magazine. Jones is Executive Representative of IWS, sellers of Tyler Hicks wealth-success books and kits. He is a direct mail and mail order marketer and operates a dozen websites.

He has written three technical books, four novels (Bull, Revenge on the Mogollon Rim, Bone China, and In No Way Guilty), and many published papers on business, marketing, engineering and other topics. Details on many of these topics can be found at his personal web site.

Jones is a hack poet and amateur landscape painter. He lives in Idaho with his wife of 52 years. He has five children, three in medicine, a lawyer, and a portrait artist. The Jones? have thirty-two talented grandchildren (many with special musical talent and skills), and one great grand child.

Jones is a prolific writer which started when he was an engineering professor at Iowa State University (Go Cyclones!). He doesn?t know how to stop.

 
 
 

Related Articles

 
How To Spot A Fib
 
Cash, a Rude Request?
 
Why Lawyers Are Safe
 
Israeli-Hezbollah Conflict Moves To Center Stage; Insurgents In Iraq Strike Back
 
Should All Lawyers be Killed?
 
Anxiety Control for Artificial Intelligent Androids Companions
 
Whats your Goal in Life?
 
Conspiracy Theory on Illegal Immigration Marches
 
A Young Attractive Teenage College Girl Received A Love Letter From Her Classmate; It Was As Follows
 
The Fruit Caper
 
 
 

 

Self Enhancement

 

Medicine & Treatment

 

Academics & Learning

 

Society & Communities

 

Home Family & Garden

 

Malls & Shopping

 

Careers & Employment

 

Travel & Vacation

 

Research & Science

 

Sports & Adventure

 

Lifestyle & Fashion

 

Art & Culture

 

Hygiene & Health

 

Eating & Drinking

 

Teens & Kids

 

Recreation

 

Banking & Finance

 

Automobiles

 

Events & News

 

Companies & Business

 

Politics & Government

 

Property & Agents

 

Computers & Networking

 

Online & Indoor Games

 
   Index -> Privacy -> ToS
Copyright © 2008 www.annesarticles.com All Rights Reserved.