Compromise is clearly one of the optimal solutions to conflict. So why is it sometimes so very difficult for couples to work on and reach a compromise?

The challenge of compromise

The problem comes when couples approach conflict as a win-lose situation. This position makes it very difficult to reach a compromise. It's simply human nature to want to be right, though some folks have raised it to an art form. The result is we approach resolving conflict from a right or wrong perspective.

Once you begin to see your partner as a competitor, or even worse, an enemy, nothing good is going to happen.

What this position typically leads to is one person usually getting his or her way at the expense of the other person.

While this might work for a little while, it eventually leads to bitterness and resentment.

The power of compromise

Compromise, on the other hand, becomes a win-win situation.

A couple approaches resolving conflict from a team mate/partner perspective.

There are basically three key ingredients to compromise:

1. Each person gives a little.

2. Each person gets as many needs met as possible.

3. Both people work for the good of the relationship, not of their own desires.

Good compromise takes practice. So I invite you to go and practice the powerful art of compromise in your relationship.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com